Roxie’s Easter Horror Tale

IMG_1534I woke up happy. I stretched. I yawned. It was a beautiful morning, promising to be sunny and warm. A day made for the books. Daffodil and hyacinth bulbs were beginning to bloom.  It reminded me of the peaceful beginning of Stonewall Jackson’s “The Lottery” one of Mom’s favorite short stories. I started humming “You Rock My World” by  Michael, Stonewall’s son. (There were rocks and stones at the end of the story.)IMG_0143

And then I remembered Emily Dickens’ poem “The SUN just touched the morning, the morning happy thing…” I can identify with Emily – she didn’t get out much either. Her brother, Charles, I think, traveled all over the place reading from his books until he dropped like a fly reading a scary scene from Oliver’s Twist during one of his tours. (The movie starred Chubby Checker.) But she stayed home taking care of her father and lowering baskets full of home-made muffins from her bedroom window to the neighborhood kids below. We have a lot in common. I’m stuck here at home all the time, staring out windows and babysitting for Mommy’s Little Snookums, ZuZu.

I heard Dad opening up the cellar door. (cellar door – lovely, poetic words) I rushed to see if I could get past him and scoot down the stairs. He was carrying a big, purple bin. Curious,  I followed him into the dining room and that’s when the horror began. THE HORROR! (that’s a quote from a movie. I believe it was “Achy Breaky Heart”. It had “Heart” in it, anyway and I’m pretty sure it starred Swoosie Kurtz and Marlowe Thomas.)

IMG_8110Mom began to unpack the bin and then… did I mention The Horror!?  They must have been down in the cellar all winter, inside that purple box  screw  pro-creating their little brains off, because there were thousands of them – On the chairs. On the floor. On the table.  “Rabbits, by George! The Rabbits!”  That’s from Of Mice and Gerbils by George Steinbrenner. It’s another of Mom’s favorites about these ranch hands named Lennie and Squeaky. Lennie loved to pet soft things, like rabbits. But sometimes he got a bit over-enthusiastic and squished them. I’d like to find out where he lives so I can introduce him to ZuZu. She’s really soft – in the head!

FullSizeRenderSo, just when I thought things were getting back to normal – after the snowman fiasco of the past winter – Mom starts unwrapping the painted rodents and putting them everywhere!

Enough is enough! I’ve decided – I can’t live like this! It’s just too declasse for my discriminating taste. Someone has to talk to this woman. I know there are bloggers out there with some semblance of style, who could instill a tiny bit of culture into her kitschy world. Please take pity on me. Send her a link or two or fifty! Do it before the next holiday because who knows what else she’s going to have Dad drag up from the cellar!

PS: I just noticed Mom reading this and overheard her comments to Dad. She said Shirley Jackson, Charles Dickens, Emily Dickinson, Joseph  Conrad and John Steinbeck must be rolling over in their graves. Not sure what this has to do with my post, but I’m thinking it could be due to photokinesis. Gotta love the sun!

Your Friend,  Roxie D.

PPS: Happy Easter!

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86 thoughts on “Roxie’s Easter Horror Tale

    1. I’ve wapped ZuZu until she’s cockeyed and so far, it hasn’t made a bit of a difference! Mom has boxes of decorations for all holidays. Christmas around here is a torture – angels, snowmen, Santas, nutcrackers and stupid little villages everywhere. I’ve pushed so many things on the floor, you’d think she’d get the message!

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      1. Good work! Morgan broke a vase she didn’t like. Well, really it was in her way. She wanted to stretch out on the mantel and there was this big vase. It made a lovely noise as it squished into thousands of pieces.

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  1. My mummy had a labrador once who was chasing a rabbit and when it cornered at speed he tried to take a turn his physique wasn’t fit for and slipped and squished the bunny. I thought you would appreciate this. As ever I feel your pain. The Bean xx

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    1. Mary, Mom reads to me all the time. As you can tell, I’m an expert on all her favorite authors. She’s into philosophy right now. I may write a blog on quantum theory of supposition someday. It’s all about a cat in a steel box. (And I thought I had it bad.)Reading does broaden the mind… Your friend, Roxie

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  2. Roxie, you and Schooner seem to have some similar problems – namely, imprisonment in the house when there are many things outside that are obviously far better than anything inside. Poor Schooner has to see Choppy go outside and enjoy them (particularly the chasing of animals, such as rabbits).

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    1. Dear Gail, Mom eats all the chocolate in this house. She tells us she is helping to save our lives because chocolate makes cats and dogs sick, but I think she just doesn’t want to share. She has all the fun! But thank you for thinking of me.Love, Roxie D. PS She just got back from a trip and packed all the bunnies away, so at least ZuZu and I have some place to sit.

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  3. Dear Roxie D., so glad to realize the rabbits are a thing of the past! I was going to offer to come up from North Carolina to chase them…but it looks like they are frozen and don’t move. I hear it is snowy and cold up there even in Spring, so maybe that’s why…? I will check with Beatrix. She writes about bunnies. I only like to chase things that move so probably wouldn’t help much.

    What do you think your mom will do next? In the fall, my mom has a thing for pumpkins, then lights everywhere and Santa Clauses (She has something she calls a collection – but Dad says that’s something they do at church. Confuses me, but I digress…wait was that a squirrel outside by the bird feeder?) She does a few chicks and bunnies when the daffodils come out here…but then she just plays with flowers for a while. I like that. She comes outside with me, a lot. She tells Dad she’s weedin’ but I thought you need a book for that! Wait…crows…attacking the feeder. They are only supposed to come upon a dreary midnight, I think…so guess I should chase them.

    I hope your mom is not into the explody things…or flags…the twins always wave sparkly things then…I don’t like any of that! Remember, if you ever have moving rabbits…or SQUIRRELS…I am really good at chasing them away! Your southern friend, Nessa

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    1. Tessa, I think your Mom is my Mom’s long lost twin. They like the same stupid things – except your Mom let’s you go outside. I have to be carried from the house to the gazebo to experience fresh air. (Sometimes I escape and make her run around outside after me. That is so much fun!) The last time I escaped in the fall, I scooted around the side of the house and ended up face-to-face with a huge, furry monster. Mom called it a groundhog. It had gigantic teeth and I turned and hightailed it back to the porch and into the house. Mom and Dad couldn’t stop laughing. I, however, did not find it funny in the least! If you’re bigger than a ground hog, I could really use you around here.
      I’m not sure what Mom has planned next, but Dad does love flags. Flags with Cats and Dogs and Bunnies and Santas and Shamrocks and Hearts and Flowers…He hangs a new one up every month. Mom thinks she might write a post about it with pictures of his collection. And I don’t understand this collection thing they all have going on. I think, if you can’t eat it, don’t collect it. And If you can eat it, then just do it and don’t leave it lying around for your sister to eat! That’s what I think!
      It’s snowing here today and I don’t think they’ll be putting the furniture in the gazebo anytime soon. So, maybe I’ll check out google maps and find out where you are. Your frozen friend, Roxie

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      1. Dear Roxie, I am pretty big…though smallish for a German Shepherd. Mom sometimes calls me her baby bear, cause I am almost all black and when I am in trouble I kind of fold my ears down. I bet I really could make your monster run! And if it moves, I am pretty fast! I admit I can be a little loud sometimes. My mom thinks I am a little too zooberant. I don’t know why since I never have been to the zoo, but I think maybe it’s because bears live there. We only have the strip and star flag, but mom fusses with her door wreath a lot. She made it from one of the lures she uses to get squirrels to come visit, vine I think she calls it. She thinks that if I was better at chasing the squirrels she might get something she calls grapes. I don’t know what those are…if they do grow on that big bush that hands on the fence. Maybe the squirrels eat them when I am in the house or at dreary midnight with the crows! We don’t have woods at our house but big trees and we take walks all over our town. I don’t think cats like water, but there are lot of rivers around here and something called a sound…but when we go there it doesn’t make any noise. Sometimes, my mom says things that are hard to understand! I hope you are thawed out, my friend! Nessa

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      2. Nessa, you sound like someone I could communicate with. I find it hard to get anything into ZuZu’s fuzzy brain. But you make total sense to me. I understand what you’re saying about the strange people-talk that goes on around us. Why don’t they ever say what they mean? And why can’t they just use words with only one meaning? Life shouldn’t be so complicated. Eat, nap, eat, nap, use the littler box, nap, eat, nap… What is their problem? PS I love to watch water drip and I would love to see that monster run right out of our yard. I know it’s hiding under my gazebo. When could you come and take care of this problem for me? Your friend, Roxie D

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      3. Roxie, I do like to communicate. I bark…Mom doesn’t like that too much. When she rubs my ears just the right way, I make my happy noise. I can’t seem to help but make a long grumbly, groaning ahhhhh. Mom likes that noise…and since that keeps her rubbing my ears…well, let’s just say I am not a Fuzzy Brain! I do love to eat and nap, too! (AND chase things…but we’ve talked about that!) I have an upstairs bed and a downstairs bed and a blanket next to where Dad says he works…I think he sits and makes tapping noises, and jiggles letters with his fingers A LOT. It sounds like you burst through doors in your escapcades. I think you might be zooberant like me!

        I wanted to tell you that some of your cold blew our way. There is a frost warning, Mom says, and the car has frozen stuff on the window. She forgot to take in some plants she was planting…now they’re in here hiding from the wind! Keep me posted on your monster. I don’t Mom would let me go where it’s even colder that here today! Maybe when it’s warmer….but have you considered barking? If I can master a groany sort of doggy purr, maybe you could learn to bark? Your friend, Nessa

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      4. Tessa, You are definitely not a Fuzzy Brain. I should know because I live with one. Barking sounds like a good idea. I’m going to try it out in between whines and growls. I don’t think you can have enough noises in your repertoire to keep humans on their toes. Mom has been spending a lot of time standing at the window and shaking her head. I think the snow covering the yard and her lilac and magnolia bushes has her worried. At least she’s not shaking her head at me, so that’s a good thing. I hear Dad opening a can in the kitchen, Gotta go before Little Snookums eats all my food. It’s a dog’s life around here! Well, come to think of it, dogs actually have it quite good. Your friend, Roxie D.

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      5. 😉 I did make a few typos! Hard to share the computer with Mom sometimes. She says she is working on another poem, (what is up with the poetry all of a sudden!) and I interrupt. (I do stick my head into her lap and sometimes on the keyboard. Hee her!) I did land in a happy place. (I didn’t start out in one, but I love it here.) Being an only child may boost the perks, a little, ok, a lot! Though I do like it when the rest of the pack visits. I get extra treats then and get to play with the granddogs and the twins! We run all over. Mom says to tell you that Ella is a writer like our Moms. She has lots of stories including one about a puppy being raised by a cat!

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      6. I don’t make typos – it’s just the spell check correcting my perfectly good words! I’m very jealous of you. I would love to be an only child and be the center of attention when guests come to play. I think Ella is someone I’d like to meet and I’m curious about a cat who’d agree to raise a puppy???? Ella sounds enchanting!😾🐕

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    1. Roxie is pouting at the moment. She is still angry with us for leaving her at home with ZuZu, yet one more time. We are terrible parents! My posts are really all over the place. I’ve been blogging for exactly a year and had intended to stop after the first year. But I’ve decided to continue in my haphazard fashion. I always find something to write about by the weekend and when that stops happening, then I’ll close up shop.
      This past week has been spent reading a thousand blog posts. I had no internet in Florida for 2 weeks, so I really got behind. I loved your post on Hadrian’s Wall. Although I’d heard of it, I knew nothing of the history. And the photos made it real for me. Thanks, once again, Millie.

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      1. I totally understand about getting behind with reading posts. I’ve just come back from enjoying five days in York and the hotel internet was awful. I had intended to respond to all my comment while I was away, amongst other things. Like you, Clare, I’m a haphazard blogger at the moment. I have so many posts I want to get written up – as soon as I find the time.

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  4. Roxie, by now the bunnies may be put away, but I have to say I take a tote down for 4 seasons of each, a holiday. The snowmen are firmly put away to make room for bunnies. Just put another rascal away today. 🙂

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    1. Even though our bunnies have been stored back in the cellar, Mom still keeps finding one or two she forgot. She says really bad words because she has to bring them down to the cellar with the others. I think that tote idea might be something you should mention to her. I’m wondering if this 4 season decorating is an American tradition. If so, I might find a UK blogger to take me in.

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  5. Oh Gosh I am a bit late reading this… but I could be early for next Easter. 🙂
    What a hoot. Loved it. Very amusing and I feel I know ” the family” already
    They are such lovely stories to be read by the fire or whispered in bed with grandchildren ( I don’t have any – just suggesting) Love them and the pictures. great photography…. how do you have your camera ready at the right moment. ( ps I have a rag doll cat. Beautiful but very stupid)

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    1. Oh, ZuZu would love your little rag doll cat. She has a stuffed horse named Petals but would definitely prefer a real baby doll. I carry my mini iPad with me, so I can send the photos I take on to my laptop to be added into a post.
      Roxie stories are very different than ZuZu’s book. ZuZu’s personality in A Berkshire Tale is sweet and innocent. Roxie hates it and has been demanding her own book since some of my fellow bloggers pointed out the unfairness of having two cats and only one cat having her own book. They have encouraged her to insists on what should be her right as the oldest in the family. Roxie now has quite a following and her own fan club of sympathetic bloggers.

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      1. I found the old post – “I Want My Blog to Look Like Your Blog When It Grows Up”. It was done a year ago while I was taking WordPress 101 and I didn’t even know how to put media into the post!

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    1. Roxie is in her “time-out box “right now. She is not happy today because we’re not out in the gazebo. Her wailing and dramatic carrying on has placed her in a shoe box away from me, so I can get things done. (There is no cover on the box, so she looks at me piteously whenever I walk by. I am going to have to find that cover!) She has reminded me that it’s her turn to write a post and I cringe to think what it is she could be so anxious to write about. I’m glad you like her somewhat caustic personality. It keeps us on our toes around here. Clare

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