Roxie D. aka “The Other Cat” Feeling the Burn

s1kf2Hi, it’s Roxie and I’m still here. Now, some of you probably thought I’d died or worse, that I’d run out of things to say. Rest assured, I’m full of things to say. I just haven’t been able  to get any computer time around this place. Mom and Dad have been in and out for the past two weeks soaking up culture, or as Mom says, “Kulcha” –  Newport, Kingston, the Berkshires, Baltimore. And they took the laptop with them, leaving me behind to babysit ZuZu, aka “Momma’s Darling Little Snookums Sweetie Pie”.

ZuZu playing Hide and Don't Seek
ZuZu playing Hide and Don’t Seek

While they were gallivanting around, two large boxes arrived. I could hardly contain myself. Finally, Dad and She who Can’t Get Enough “Kulcha” came home and opened them. They began unpacking  books and piling them on the dining room table. You know – the table I’m not supposed to be on because, according to She Who Must Be Obeyed,  “I am not a bowl of fruit nor am I a centerpiece, a flower arrangement, or a platter of meat”.  Some days, the woman’s like a broken record. (For the millennials out there, the record or LP preceded 8-track tapes CD’s and iTunes. They were discs made of vinyl and easily scratched, causing the phonograph – a box-like machine which played records – needle to get stuck in the grooves and play the same thing over and over.)

“Roxie Dammit, stop chewing on that table-cloth! Roxie Dammit, get out of that bowl. You’re squashing the bananas! Roxie Dammit, come back here with that lamb chop! Roxie Dammit, don’t make me go over there! ”  You can tell when the woman’s out-of-control because she always stresses my middle name.  It’s really getting on my nerves.Sometimes when she’s not here, the sound of her nagging resonates through the empty rooms like the interminable background Muzak playing in an elevator stuck between floors.

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Roxie at the Vets

When she starts the “yadda, yadda, yadda” routine, I just want to scream at her , “I AM AN ANIMAL! If you prick me do I not bleed?” (Which reminds me – my annual vet checkup should be soon.)  Deja vu!  Will this nightmare never end?! The quality of mercy gets strained beyond repair around this place!

Roxie at the computer
Roxie at the computer

So here I sit, in front of the laptop, wondering how to break the terrible news to you all. I truly hate to spoil your week but,  Frigate! (please excuse my language), there is  no book with me on the cover! I’ve checked out every single page and not a picture of me is to be found. “How can that be possible?” you ask, shaking your heads in utter amazement and disbelief?  Well, I’ll tell you how – because, Frigate! (again, pardon my language), it’s another ZuZu book! And, to add insult to injury, it features two animals that don’t even live in this house.

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Poor Witless Creatures

She Who Needs a Valium is writing about strange creatures  that live in a barn, are known to spit and according to ZuZu, have fleas! Fleas, I tell you! (Of course this has immense appeal to my disgusting little, bug-eating sister.)

And while we’re on the topic of disgusting, She Who Adores Flea Bate has been gushing about how the ginger-colored alpaca loves to kiss her when she visits. What world does that woman inhabit? Someone needs to give her a serious talk on oral hygiene. Anyone could figure out the animal’s attracted to her bacon breath. If the witless creature had teeth that actually worked, it would be chomping her lips off trying to get to the smorgasbord between her choppers.

But I digress.

After the shock wore off, my thoughts immediately turned to  you. My heart goes out to those who have been patiently waiting for a Roxie Book.  Roxie D. aka The Other Cat; the long-suffering, fun-loving, affectionate, resilient, self-sacrificing feline whose incredible life story has yet to make it into print and onto the shelves.

Forsythia & Gazebo
Forsythia & Gazebo

As you can well-imagine, right now I’m identifying very closely with my friend, Bernie Sanders. I’m feeling burnt. No one wants to be second fiddle to a feisty, resilient, young whippersnapper. We could learn a lot from those loyal Bernie followers! If I had my fan club with me, we could stage a walk-out. We could go to the gazebo and commiserate and make posters with my picture on it!

Have I mentioned how much I love the gazebo? It’s the one place She Who Must Decorate doesn’t fill with her junk every holiday –  the Santas, and the snowmen and the eyeless angels and those horrible ceramic bunnies and chickens  in the bins down in the cellar – multiplying as we speak! .

I really love to sit out in the gazebo with Dad and listen to  baseball on the radio. If we just lived in a civilized place where it never snowed and summer lasted all year, I’d be in heaven. I’d move out to the gazebo and lock the door so Little Baby Snookums couldn’t get to me. Maybe if I had a room of my own, with a lock? An en suite with one of those self-cleaning  litter boxes I didn’t have to share. And a computer. And a printer. And a big bag of cat treats. Maybe I could write my own memoir and get it published? I could call it ” I Know Why the Caged Cat Yowls”.  I can dream, can’t I?

Dad & Roxie
Dad & Roxie in the Gazebo

 

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64 thoughts on “Roxie D. aka “The Other Cat” Feeling the Burn

    1. That’s all she needs – affirmation for her bad behavior. There are times when Roxie is the sweetest grey kitty, but most of the time, she is looking to get into some kind of mischief. She keeps Charley and me laughing all the time. She loves attention (and, I might add, she gets a lot of it)but it’s never enough and she’s relentless in doing whatever she can to get us to react.

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  1. You poor baby! You may enjoy my cat Hazel. She loves to be a centerpiece on a dining table although she’s never stolen a lamp chop! I didn’t know your middle name was Dammit. Good to know in case I mail anything to you! Hope you get out to the gazebo soon!

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    1. I think I would love Hazel. I could teach her a few things! ZuZu has tons of middle names and all of them are sickeningly sweet. I only seem to have one and it only comes up when I’m helping set this place in order. Mom is power-hungry and has a difficult time accepting my competent handling of household problems. Thank you for noticing. Your friend, Roxie D.

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      1. Hazel, You have an evil cat, too? Does she hide her evilness under the cloak of cloying cuteness? Does she make you look bad when you are just expressing your thoughts on “fairness” in the house? Does Morgan get all of the attention while you’re treated like the invisible cat? If any of these things ring true, my heart goes out to you. Life is cruel!

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  2. Ah, Roxie, I had indeed been missing you 🙂 I understand you feeling a little put out about not featuring in the new book but I am sure your turn will come. It might help your cause it you were not quite so rude about ‘Mom’ – bacon breath is not a nice thing to say.

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    1. My Dear Mary, I hadn’t thought about it that way. Yes, it could be offensive to people, as it is not really kosher. I will try to be more sensitive to my followers when I write my memoir.
      I can get very emotional about this whole ZuZu Book situation, as you can just imagine. It’s not that I’m jealous, it’s just that I’m so much more interesting than the little fur ball. And now, a book about two flea baits! It’s too much to take. Thank you for missing me. I feel much better now. Your friend, Roxie

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  3. My dear Roxie – I am entranced with your lamb chop theft …. Please share your technique. I am often starved for days and need to learn basic cat burgling for elemental survival. Your true friend and ally, The Bean x

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    1. Dear Bean, I’m glad you asked. First you must make sure there is a guest at the table, as this serves as a distraction for the hosts (your parents) and usually insures a table cloth is in place. Then you must make sure there is a launching site, like a side board. Carefully get into position on the launch pad. When you take that flying leap onto the table, really get your whole body into it and see how much silverware, rolls, candlesticks, centerpieces, salt and pepper shakers, butter dishes, and such you can clear out of your way. Always have a target plate; one with as much uneaten meat as possible. (This is usually the guest’s) *Use the element of surprise. The first few seconds are critical. Grab for the meat and run for cover. If you can have a secret hiding place prepared beforehand, you will find you can eat your meal in peace while the initial mess is being cleaned up.
      Now, this is important. When you have finished your meal, stride through the room nonchalantly. Go to your dish like you’re starving and expecting to be fed. Look pathetic. Downcast eyes, blinking lids. If you’re able to shed a tear, do so at this time. Please note: never drag your belly on the floor as this is a sign of guilt and you want to avoid that at all costs. Deny, Deny, Deny!! Do you have another animal or a baby in the house? This often can help in deflecting blame, although it doesn’t work around here for some reason. I hope this will be of help to you my Dear L’Haricot.Remember, I am here for you. your friend, Roxie D.

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  4. Roxy looks a lot like my grandmother’s cat who I tried to feed a chocolate bar to, when I was a teen (the cat, my granmother had passed by then, though not from chocolate.) The cat brought up the chocolate right onto my French homework. My poor teacher didn’t believe me when I said I’d done my homework but the cat had puked on it… until I showed her. I expect Roxy would’ve had a thing or two to say to that! Those Pacas are gorgeous. Are they friendly?

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    1. They are absolutely beautiful and really friendly. I love them! Especially the Ginger one. When I wrote the first book, I put in segue chapters about animals and kites and butterflies between the chapters on places and people in the Berkshires. The book goes through the first year in a kitten’s life and this new alpaca book was originally the January chapter in A Berkshire Tale. They are very friendly and part of the camelid family. They very rarely spit and usually only when they’re upset with each other. They can’t bite and have soft hooves, so the only defense they have is staying together and they’re very fast! And they hum. Just the loveliest animals you’d ever want to be around.

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  5. Ah, poor Roxie!! I’ll be up there on the next plane, to lead the protest march!! We’ll make the biggest posters in the world, with your picture on it!! And some signs with those big red x s, with little miss snotty’s face, very, very tiny!!
    And so there!! You will feel better shortly, my love!!

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  6. My dear Roxie, You are so literate! I asked my mom about that that quality of mercy stuff. I didn’t know mercy came in different kinds or that some were better quality. Apparently there’s a Merchant in Venice who sells the best kind made by SnakesPaw. I think that’s what Mom called him, though I never heard of snakes with paws. They don’t even have legs. Maybe it was ShakesPaw…I shake mine sometimes, especially when I step on a bee.

    That Merchant also sells fish bait…but Mom says he is a notorious skinflint. Maybe, since you are short of it at your house, maybe he’ll sell you some, or even some fish. I think my Mom gets hers from God. When Dad does something crazy (he’s like that sometimes), she rolls her eyes and says, “Lord, help me” or “Lord have mercy.” We probably get some Mercy around here every couple of days…maybe I can send you some.

    My mom and I think you really do deserve more blog time, or your own book. You always make us laugh. Maybe you could get an iPad or computer and write it yourself, then you could stop pricking yourself and your parents, and change your middle name to Darling or Delightful or maybe Daring would suit you. Then, you could recount your daring adventures: War and Fleece: Roxy and the Pacas Book II; The Great Catsby, A Roxie Tale; The Yowls and the Fury, or Roxie’s Revenge. I know they’d be best sellers. Mom said we can join your fan club!

    Anyway, I never get to steal lamb chops, (that would rate a “Bad Dog” nickname I think), and I would love my own gazebo! Down here we have BUGS and a screened and shaded outdoor house sounds wonderful! You are one lucky cat! I am very good at guarding houses and I am an excellent barker. I can frighten off squirrels, birds, and groundhogs…maybe Zuzu could come catch bugs here in North Carolina and I can come there to guard your gazebo?

    Sorry about Zuzu’s new book, but I hope third times the charm and you get the next one!

    Your friend, Nessa

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    1. Dear Nessa, I can tell you are a very literate animal. Most of my cat and dog friends are not really into Shakes Paw. And I really hope you never, ever step on a bee, again. That must sting and I’d hate to hear you were in pain. Besides you and Choppy and the Bean are my only dog friends on the blogosphere. I think it’s a “cat” thing. Your title suggestions are spot on! Maybe I’ll have to write a few books, so I can use them all and I would LOVE my own laptop! Last night I waited for hours until Mom was done with whatever it is she does on the computer and finally she played me a cat video and it had a lovely dog in it. They were friends. She played it over and over for me so I wouldn’t bite her. She posted the video on her face book page.I love it because the dog lets the little grey kitten (which looks just like me when I was a baby) cuddle up and sleep next to him. Do you have a face book page? I would definitely share my gazebo with you and sending ZuZu to another state sounds like the best idea ever! She might like it because I hear that the bugs are so much bigger in North Carolina!
      I’ve become resigned to the fact that my life’s story may never see print. In all modesty, I think there are so many animals out there that could benefit from the wisdom I have to share. More’s the pity!
      Mom’s just come downstairs. She said she’s going to take the computer away from me because she says she needs it to plan her OLLI Class for tomorrow. Thank you for your very kind words and we can always hope She Who Needs the Computer RIGHT NOW! will someday see the light. Your friend, Roxie D.

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    1. Yes, she’s my teen-age persona. Arghhhhh! who can live with teenagers! Wait! I’m preaching to the choir. I read you newsletter and I can’t believe your preparing your 10th talk. you have more than made up for your previous fear of being in front of a group. Excellent! I think your Dad is great and he really enjoys your visits, even though sometimes the obstacles in your way to visit seem insurmountable. I hope the rains have abated and you are getting some well-deserved sunshine. Now, I must go to prepare a class for tomorrow. It’s been a long time since I taught and I’m not sure how it will go. But I will be well-prepared. Take care, Clare

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  7. Roxie reminds me of our Bookworm, who incidentally, is trying to lay on my arms as I type. She is the great causer of avalanches in our house, and seems to think whatever is put on any table or desk in the house has been placed there for her. She gives Ed fits. 🙂

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    1. Definitely kitty kindred spirits! Charley is more patient with Roxie. Like Ed with Bookworm, she drives me nuts. She’s like my shadow. I can’t move without her being on top of me all day and even at night in bed. Although she loves Charley best, she takes great pleasure in torturing me as much as possible. But I do find her very funny most of the time !

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      1. Marie, You should let them do some writing for you. Sitting around on a keyboard is not a very productive enterprise! If I were there, I’d teach them how to play Hide and Don’t Go Seek. It would keep them out of your hair for a few hours, at least. I do it with ZuZu all the time. Love, Roxie D.

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  8. I have been in stiches over this. Its so funny and I can actually see it all happening. I love the way you get inside the ” cat’s head!” Clever stuff. I hope your book sales go well. Or maybe I should be addressing my responses to our feline friends in which case, I humbly apologise.
    Whatever! I just Lurve it!

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    1. Roxie is probably my teenage persona coming back in my old age. But she really is funny and causes a lot of trouble around here. Charley and I laugh every day at the things she gets into. And that wide-eyed, “What, me?” look makes it all even funnier.

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  9. Roxie, Roxie, when will your narrative talents be celebrated!?!
    Here’s an idea… don’t wait any longer for someone else. Write the book yourself. Feline Memoir is definitely an under-represented sub-genre. Go for it!

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  10. Perfection! Roxie Dammit is too funny!! She is the most clever cat I have ever “met” and that’s saying alot!! I believe Roxie needs an agent…one who actually wants her picture on the cover of a book! Did you visit the Red Lion Inn? I’ve been up there for lunch twice in the last couple of weeks, love the ride out there and there’s a great store on the side street called Side Tracks, have you ever been in? It has all kinds of unique things, even something Roxie would like, even you’d ever buy her a gift…heehee 🙂 xo Have missed stopping by and reading your great stories…this summer has been a busy one.

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    1. We always stop by The Red Lion for lunch in the courtyard. Sometimes, we’ve stayed there. The December chapter of A Berkshire Tale is set at the Inn and features the Inn’s cat, Simon. He’s no longer staying at the Inn, but has been replaced by Leo.I’m working on a Christmas story featuring Leo and set in Stockbridge. The book is on sale at the Inn and at Williams and Sons, another store I really love. It’s on Main Street. The first weekend in December is Norman Rockwell Weekend and I plan on reading the December story at the Library. It really is a wonderful place. I’ll stop by to visit you today. 😁

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      1. The next time I’m there I will stop in the store and buy your book, plus I will check out Williams and Sons, I’m always on the lookout for new stores to check out. What a beautiful setting for your Christmas Story, it truly is a wonderful place. It brings you back to the “good ole days”. 🙂

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    1. Roxie likes to sit in my lap, get petted and be read to, so she is extremely literate. You’ll notice this in the allusions to books and authors she makes in many of her posts. She follows me around all day long and tries to escape to get to me when I go outside to garden. ZuZu sits in the window and stares outside all day. She’s not such a pain in the butt.you must notice little personality traits in your friend’s cats. Ours keep us laughing all the time.

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  11. Roxie, I love your knitting Mrs. Santa, but you really should be more careful with those angels. Now how do I get one of those new books? I’m sure you are in it. I bet you just missed a page.

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    1. My Dearest Afthead. I have read the new book cover-to-cover and it is only on the final pages I am even mentioned as living in the same house with ZuZu. The books are on Amazon and Mom has a page with that information and link on her blog And I am not on that page either! I know Mom will come to her senses some day and realize that if she writes a book about my adventures, she could become a millionaire and then perhaps she would buy me my own computer where I could watch cat videos to my heart’s content. But you must understand, the woman is a slow learner and cannot see the forest for the trees! I will pass this on to her with the millions of comments and requests from my followers for a Roxie Book. Perhaps it will be your words which will cause her to see the light? Your best friend Roxie D.

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