Roxie here. I haven’t posted in quite sometime because The Powers That Be (you know who I’m talking about) has been very stingy with the laptop to the point of total self-absorption. She types and types, using up all the charge so, I’ve yet to see one cat video in weeks! And we could have used a few laughs around here. Believe me!
November was not a good month at all. The television in the prison recreation room was on all hours of the day and night for the first two weeks and The Warden, aka Mom, spent a lot of time screaming at the pumpkin-face man inside the box. I tried to tell her, “He can’t hear you,” but as we all know, that woman never listens to me. Thick!
After one particularly loud rant in the early hours of the morning, it got eerily quiet in the gulag. I found a good place to hide behind the bread box until She Who Needs To Be Shot With A Tranquilizer Dart started up: “Roxie Dammit!” (Never a good thing when she uses my middle name.) “If you don’t get off that counter right now, you’re toast!”
I thought to myself as I jumped down and bolted to the top of the refrigerator, There’s a whole loaf of bread unopened and she’s going to put me in the toaster? I would think the chubby Widdle Muffin (aka ZuZu), would make a much tastier morsel slathered with butter. If I had opposable thumbs, I’d use a knife to slather her myself!
Just when I thought we were returning to normal, Mom stopped feeding me. I kid you not! One night, at dinner time, she took ZuZu into the laundry room and closed the door. I could hear her putting something into the bowls and then the aroma of Seafood Divine came wafting under the door into the kitchen. I howled and banged against the walls and cupboards. The dynamic duo finally came out and I could smell shrimp on Baby Snookum’s breath as she strolled by. I raced to the bowls and they were empty. Not a morsel left. I was incensed and let everyone know about it for hours.
In the morning, I waited expectantly for breakfast. There was no getting me away from those bowls. Mom came in with the cat carrier and threw a treat inside. I jumped in, not thinking. I was starving. She zipped me in and hauled me off to the Vets.
Now, I’d already had my annual torture session checkup last month. I remembered it well because I’d wanted to show them how healthy I was. So, I kicked and clawed and yowled and bit and hissed until they got the message. I’m surprised they even let me back in the place so soon.
When they tried to get me out of the carrier this time, I intended to make sure they knew who they were dealing with, but I felt a prick and suddenly everything went hazy. When I woke up, it took me a few minutes to realize where I was and to realize something was just not right. Then it hit me – they’d stolen my teeth. Three of them. Gone! I looked for a phone to call 911 but I heard Dad’s voice and let out a scream. He took me home.
I was still quite groggy for a while and when the stupid little ball of fuzz saw me, she acted like she didn’t even know me. She sniffed my face and hissed. I kid you not – she literally hissed at Me! I wanted to take a chunk out of her nose, but she ran away to hide. I was a bit wobbly. I crawled into the time-out box for a nap.
Saturday, I overheard She Who Starves Her Eldest Child talking to Vivian, a little girl who was visiting. The kid had lost a tooth and was explaining that she put it under her pillow and woke up the next day to find a dollar in its place. From what I could gather, this Tooth Fairy Person shows up in the night, takes your tooth and leaves you cash. You can imagine how cheated I felt when it dawned on me what a racket that Vet has going. Pulling out the teeth of unconscious, helpless animals and keeping them for profit. I thought about showing up at the office and giving her a piece of my mind – but she’d probably cash that in, too!
And the month just kept deteriorating. I got stuck at home once again babysitting while the parents took off to Stockbridge to do some work for the new book – A ZuZu Christmas Story! (Still no Roxie Book on the Horizon. Don’t get me started!)
When they finally arrived home, the boxes started coming up from the cellar. First, the turkeys, soon to be followed by the creepy, faceless angels and the Santas and the nutcrackers and the Nativity Scene. And let’s not forget about the Snowmen – all ready to take up my space for months on end forcing me to plod around aimlessly on the floor like a hapless nomad.
Someone said April is the cruelest month, but November, 2016, goes down in my book as the suckiest month ever. And it’s not over yet! I think I just might hibernate for the rest of the winter. Around here, no one will even notice. See you in the Spring!
Your friend, Roxie D
Around ZuZu's Barn 
You’re a cruel woman, but it’s good to see that you have trained your cats to write so well and be so funny 😂
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When Roxie is in a “mood”, I sleep with one eye opened. She does keep us amused with her tantrums. And she is escaping outside more and more lately. In order to be proactive about this, we are actually screening in the back porch! She thinks we are putting on a room just for her! Come to think of it – we are!
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It was a beautifully written piece, I love the way you get into her mind. Cats are such devious creatures aren’t they. I hope she appreciates having her own room 😊
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The alternative is under the gazebo with the woodchuck and he doesn’t like sharing his space. I think he would win in a tussle. Thanks, Claude. I may take some of the Roxie posts and turn them into some kind of book – that would make her very happy. If you saw the looks she gives me and her “mutterings” you’d know how “inspiring” she can be.
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That would be good to see, I’m sure you have loads of material for it! Who’s Claude, by the way? 😂
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According to Roxie, Claude is spell check’s version of Clive! She apologizes and blames ZuZu for distracting her while she was answering you.
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😂😂😂
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She is so cute!
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Easy for you to say. You don’t have to live with the little monster! And Roxie would heartily agree with you, she thinks she is absolutely adorable.
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It’s so good to finally hear from you! I was beginning to fear the worst! Oh, my poor, poor Roxie! The indignities you suffer! I think I better expedite the adoption papers, huh??
Many hugs, and gentle kisses, wouldn’t want to make your mouth any more tender!!
Methinks the Warden owes you $3!!
Take a nice long nap, my darlin!
Love, Melinda
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Me thinks I’m owed $3 PLUS interest PLUS a goodly sum for the anguish I’ve suffered. I’m not napping while the Warden is awake for fear she’ll ship me off again. I think she’s getting a cut of the profits from the Vet. Thanks for the hugs and kisses, Melinda. I’m not only literally starved but I’m starved for attention, too! Get the papers ready. It’s almost time for the snow to fly up here. Your BFA Roxie D.
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Oh definitely!! The settlement for pain, and anguish alone should be in the millions! Poor Roxie!
More hugs, and kisses!! Just waiting to fill in the signatures, and date!!
Love, Your Fan Club Prez, Melinda
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😻
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Poor Roxie, hope you’re feeling better!
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Last night I found out I could bite just as hard with the teeth I had left. I practiced over and over on the warden. I’m greatly relieved. Thank you for your sweet thoughts. I am badly in need of attention and appreciate it in any form. PS I love cat treats.
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Poor baby! Both of my cats had teeth removed this year and it wasn’t pretty. Mollie always gets sick from the anesthesia and there was NO TOOTH FAIRY! How unfair to cats is that. November did suck. The human got stress sickness early in the month that lasted through Thanksgiving. Probably from all that yelling at the TV. Every day she wakes up hoping it was all a bad dream. Fortunately the human isn’t in the mood for Christmas so I won’t get yelled at for sitting on the mantel. She usually puts all kinds of breakable crap there. How dumb is that? Would you put something fragile on a prime cat bed?
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I can identify with your stress sickness. I have a bad case of it right now. It is almost dinner time and no one is moving a muscle. I’m going to have to use the teeth still left in my head to send a message to the Warden. I do not even have a cat bed and must sleep on the people bed and put up with their tossing and turning all night long. Another example of the cruel and unusual punishment doled out around the gulag. PS I like the way you think!
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You can do what we do here. Sit on their head at 3 a.m. and demand a pet rub.
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When they had a bookcase bed I actually use to launch myself on to Mom’s head when I was sure she was asleep. they have a new bed now with no launch pad, so I think I’ll use your suggestion tonight. Thanks. Any other good ideas are more than welcome.
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Roxie, I always enjoy your posts – mom needs to let you on the computer more often. Hang in there, December will be over in a flash! Happy Day! 🙂
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She is wearing the computer out. Writing, writing, writing! I often wonder who even wants to read what she puts on paper? She bores me to tears! Now, if she would start writing scripts for cat videos, I could maybe understand. But ZuZu books?! What a waste of a battery! I hope you’re doing well and I’ll tell Mom to visit you soon, so I can read what is happening with you and Gary in Florida.Have a peaceful Sunday.
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Roxie, I hope December gets better and your humorous outlook on life is better appreciated.
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Sometimes, Bernadette, I think they’re laughing at me and not with me! My keen wit is grossly underrated!
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Delightful! Such wisdom from one so small–and yes, 2016: suckiest month ever! Hope we’ll see Roxie again before Spring.
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Donna, She is fun because I can always tell what’s on her mind and I just put it on the page. Right now she is furious with ZuZu for sitting in Charley’s lap. She’s sitting on his legs casting warning glances and making ZuZu very nervous. It’s just a matter of time before she reaches out and smacks ZuZu in the head.
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Poor Roxie! The indignities a kitty must go through… I stopped displaying small tabletop Christmas decorations when I had my cat just because of the “Ooopies.” I never started doing it again because of the dusting. Life is so much easier! You can learn a lot from cats. 🙂
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Yes, I truly agree with you if by cats you are referring to me. Nothing good ever came from ZuZu. She’s like that strand of lights on the Christmas tree that doesn’t work. Useless! Thanks for your kind thoughts. Your friend, Roxie Dammit
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Ah, Roxie, I feel for you. I hate going to the dentist. I remember this time last year you posted about all the Christmas stuff that gets hauled out in your home. It did look lovely and cheerful, you must admit. The pumpkin-face man wasn’t an issue then! How much can happen in a year.
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Mary, Just when you think it can’t get any worse around the gulag, something happens to make you realize life is just a box of chocolates! I appreciate your empathy. As you can see, I get none of that around this gulag. Your friend, Roxie D.
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Poor, poor Roxie, when will the humans ever see things from your point of view? Thanks for the laugh with my cup of tea, this morning! 🙂
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Yvette, I am glad I brought some joy to your life. It is the least I can do for a friend who “gets me”. Roxie D.
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Roxie, I am leaving this New Land in two weeks time but the plan is that I will be back next summer for at least 2 years. I have discovered where Rhode Island is, so I suggest we stay in close contact and use this time to plot a coup d’état. We can set up a colony of intelligent cats and dogs (this may mean that it is a colony of two … .most of them seem to suck up to the humans and imagine that the meagre pickings they get is something to be grateful for). I suggest I bring us a couple of berets back from France and we can then get fully into role resistance fighters. Until the next time, I remain your loyal supporter. The Bean 🐾🐾
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Bean – Oh, no! Far away again? I will await your return to carry out our plans. If you think of anything more devious, I would appreciate an email. Have a very safe trip and keep in touch. Love, Roxie D.
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You can rely on me … my plotting and scheming is developing daily. I will email as I expect my mummy will with yours but we must not allow our wires to cross 😉
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😼
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Only teeth, Roxie? Just think what it could have been instead! Anyway, now you have that gap, you can more easily slurp cream, or is the warden not letting you have any of that either?
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Val – I’m not sure I have much left to take. Before I arrived at the gulag, my previous wardens had me declawed. I have yet to ever get a lick of cream although, I did get some eggnog tonight. As you can see, I have had a very hard-knock life. Your friend, Roxie D.
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Roxie you are so hard done by. Now, about that faceless angel in pieces at your feet…?
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ZuZu did it!
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Of course she did! There, there, you have friends in remote places Roxie. X
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😻
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Roxie Ever thought about moving to Montana? Here is an idea for you if you did move there. I’m really sad that you lost out on the green stuff from your teeth.
Your friend Dennis
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Dear Dennis, you are the kindest of men. I’ll bet your dog is the happiest dog ever! I think,, however, Montana would be even colder than RI. So if you don’t mind, I’ll wait to visit you when you move to a warmer climate. Your friend, Roxie.
PS I haven’t had any luck with the link but will keep on trying. Your song choices are so much fun!
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Dennis, I finally got the link to work and I’m not sure about being a dental floss tycoon and all of the other strange stuff going on in the Zappa guy’s head. Mom has some of his albums, but I am not impressed with anyone who would name their children Moon Unit and Dweezle. He is strange! your friend, Roxie Dammit
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Roxie yes my two Huskies (Yuri and Moon Pie) are very spoiled and both of them have learned to live with our two cats even though Moon Pie still likes to mess with them (he really only wants to play but he is a big boy that the kitties want no part of). I live in California where the weather is nice and warm. Sorry to say but the suggestion was for you to go and make some money. It’s to cold up there for me also. Your Mom has great taste in music. Zappa had a music style that was one of a kind, that many people still have a hard time understanding. Maybe someday she can play this song for you. It’s Yuri and Moons favorite https://youtu.be/dKy7UugWnTY
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Mom has been playing the You Tube Video for the last half hour and I can’t get to watch my cat videos! But I am meowing along with the tune. Thanks, Dennis Love, Roxie.
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dear
Dennis, I remember all the words to this song and we used to sing it every winter around the end of February, beginning of March.Yellow snow! Yummmmmmy!
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Way to go, Roxie D! Great post. And your Maman, aka the Warden, isn’t the only one who was screaming at the TV.
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Thanks, Cynthia. she seems to be much calmer now and is making my life miserable with all the stuff she’s sticking around the house. Your friend, Roxie d.
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Roxie, I wonder if you realize you have a very common middle name? Lots of people in our house share it even though only two folks live here. Your poses are adorable though I can tell how difficult life is for you. Imagine having to be a frig magnet for hours on end, or huddling under the pile of wrinkled paper. My favorite is the one of you with your paw draped over your nose – first glance, I thought Monsieur Renoir had painted your likeness. Don’t they know how hard you work around there? No appreciation at all – so sorry for your dilemmas. Sadly, I believe the warden will be yelling at pumpkin man for an insufferable amount of years. Just remember – she isn’t yelling at you. But you might see if your passport is up to date.
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I love to pose for photos in hopes Mom will put them in a book about me. But she just keeps writing about ZuZu and taking cute photos of her and apping them into beautiful pictures making her look even cuter. The photo you liked the best is actually of her playing peek-a-boo with Mom. Don’t worry, I’m used to taking a back seat to Widdle Sweety Pie. But my day will come! Your friend, Roxie D.
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Channeling Gypsy Rose Lee? We know who’s got talent.
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😻
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This post is priceless! Poor Roxie, perhaps a little depressed?
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Eugenia – Roxie can get into a real dither when things change. She does not adjust well at all. She hates it when we go away and she hates when I decorate. Now, with the holidays, she is in full crazy mode and we’ve noticed that having her teeth out seems to have made her a lot perkier. Just what we need!
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I think the snowflake thingy looks great with your header. I’m playing around with my header to make it more festive. Thanks for the link and Roxie sends her love.
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