Roxie’s Fire and Fury

Posted on by Claremary P. Sweeney
Rox in a Box

Yes, I’m still here. Unlike Schrödinger’s cat, there is no paradox. I exist whether I’m boxed or not. And, much like Mark Twain, “Reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.”

But this past year hasn’t been easy for me. I really did almost die a few times. I was locked downstairs for days  weeks! Although, if you hear Mom tell the story, it was only an hour or two before she heard me scratching on the cellar door and came to save me. (That woman’s perspective is warped. I tell you, it was months!)

And, although I remind her every chance I get, she’s conveniently forgotten about the garage incident. How could she not know I was  missing? After midnight, I’m always in bed, between her and dad, waiting for her to stop playing around with the computer and put on the cat videos. How could she not hear me yowling pitifully in the dark, greasy garage the entire, long, endless night while ZuZu slept at the end of the bed, safe and sound? (That woman is not in touch with reality. I’ll bet if her precious, darling little baby kitty didn’t show up on the bed one night, she’d be calling the cops.)

Bedtime
Shhhhhhh!

And I have to share with you something else about Baby ZuZu that is being kept hush, hush around this house. SHE’S LOST IT!

That’s right. It’s a huge family secret. Everybody’s pretending things are normal, but I know differently. It all came to light one August afternoon when I was sitting with Mom and Dad on the patio. Mom lets me go outside now, if I stay close to them. (Since they’re always cooking something on the grill and feeding their faces, I ask you  – Where else would I be?) So, on this one lovely, peaceful afternoon, the three of us were having a nice family lunch outside and Dad opened the door to go inside for another juicy hamburger to put on the grill for me and the Little ZuZu Freak flew out the door and attacked me! She went complete FERAL! Jumped on my back. hissing and screaming like she’s never seen me before.  Dad grabbed me and saved me while mom went off looking for the Baby Psycho Killer who was now in hiding. It took the rest of the day to find her and get her back into the house. That animal needs to be heavily sedated.

And talking about drugs, it was determined by our vet quack that I had a thyroid problem. She extracted quarts  gallons of blood and then decided I needed to be put on meds which were later sprinkled into my food without my permission. (There is absolutely no respect for my sovereign rights around this asylum!) So then, come to find out, the dosage was too high and I went into a coma for days. (Mom says it was only a few hours and she actually took time off from writing to hold me in her arms while I moaned and refused to eat.) I was there! I refused to eat! I almost starved to death! It was weeks months! The longest coma I’ve ever experienced.

If this towel didn’t smell so good, I’d bite you!

And I won’t bother you with all the psychological trauma I’ve been put through during the past year. Two new books have been released and neither one is about me, Roxie Dammit, aka The Other Cat. Yes, the woman is now writing local murder mysteries. What person creates adorable, little children’s books and then, with the same hand, writes a MURDER mystery? And she’s yet to confer with me about anything she’s working on day in and day out. I’m surprised she takes time to feed me. (Well, she actually feeds Baby ZuZu and I just get the paltry  left-overs.) Oh, I’d love to give her a few tips about how to do away with a nemesis.

Now, I realize there are a lot of unappreciative people who’ve had books written about them, but I don’t see what they have to complain about.  Ingrates! At least they’re in a book. I don’t care what Mom writes about me as long as there’s a picture of me, Roxie Dammit,  on the cover!

Apparently, the second book in the mystery series has been completed and She Who Can’t Give Me The Time of Day is presently taking a brief hiatus. (I can’t help but wonder how many books it will take to quell her insatiable lust for fame?) So, I’m grabbing this chance to write a blog post to reassure you I’m still alive and kicking, but just barely after the horrendous year I’ve had.

I’m sorry I’m late in wishing you a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, but I’ve been thinking about all of you even if I’m not given the opportunity to tell you you’re appreciated and I hope 2018 is better for all of us.

PS One good thing about all of the writing that’s been taking up so much time – Mom didn’t have a minute to bring out the faceless angels for Christmas this year. See, there’s a silver lining behind every cloud and I’m just the cockeyed optimist who’ll find it!

55 thoughts on “Roxie’s Fire and Fury”

  2. Oh, poor sweet put upon Roxie D,

    It is so good to know you are alive and at least escaped the faceless winged ones. The insane Santas were everywhere this year. When they didn’t appear last year I hoped they had been lost in the move, but no such luck.

    Do you think your mother is using your disappearances as ideas for a new mystery? Maybe The Disappearing Dickins, or Roxie Rides The Train, or The vanishing Vixen?or The Comotose Cat and Other Tales? Or maybe she trying to test out new kinds o murder- murder by medicine? I’ve heard Vampires sucking blood were popular, maybe that’s why they wanted your blood! “Alas, poor Roxie, we knew you well.”

    Have I told you about Tanner? He’s the dog who lives next door. He thinks he loves me, but I play hard to get! And he has chickens and sometimes my mom takes care of all of them – boy does she smell strange when she gets home!

    Well, she’s been sick too and I’d better bug her to feed me …glad you are alive…but keep an eye out…you never know.

    Love, Nessa

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    1. Dearest Nessa. I understand why the neighborhood are in love with you. You are very lovely, as far as a dog can be called lovely. I heard your mom wasn’t feeling well. My mom was sick for a whole month and it was awful. She didn’t eat much and so there were no table scraps anywhere to be found. I hope your mother gets better soon and you can give her hugs from me. Love, Roxie D.

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  3. Poor Roxie. Is there no end to your torment?

    I suspect Zuzu’s attack was motivated by envy, pure and simple. She just couldn’t stand the sight of you enjoying a barbecue. Featuring in books has obviously gone to her head.

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    1. Yes, you’ve hit the nail on the head! ENVY! And I know you are wise to the ways of devious cats. I’m going to your blog right now to catch up on the adventures of the young niece. I like her. She has spunk. Thank you for your empathy and understanding. It has gotten me through another long day. Love, Roxie D.

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  4. Goodness, Roxie D., its no wonder you haven’t been around the blog world for a while. You’ve suffered so many traumatic experiences, it’s a miracle your paws have the strength to tap on the keyboard. But I’m very glad to hear from you and hope your next entry finds you basking in brightness as you deserve. As for ZuZu and all her antics – you might remind her that the best word beginning with a “Z” is “zoo,” and she’d better watch herself before she finds the nearest one is her new address.
    Well, that, or you could share your nice red cat bag with her. She might prove to be a snuggler after all.

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  7. Dear Roxie …. it seems I have failed you this year – damned Atlantic makes it hard for me to get across and help hatch the necessary plans for your liberation from that darned ZuZu tartelette (by the way, the tartelettes here are absolutely delicious but I am using the word differently when referring to psycho kitten). Things are obviously grave and getting graver. I will put all my canine intellect to working out the best way forward for you. Stay safe. I remain, your devoted dog-friend (and tireless dog-fiend where that other is concerned). The Bean 🐾 🐾

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    1. My favorite, dearest, awesome Haricot – it is so good to hear from you. I need all the fiends/friends I can get at this point or I certainly will not survive another year. I’m not sure what has happened with the little hairball but she has started to feel her oats. She’s become a nightmare. She evenrefuses to play hide and don’t seek. I’m afraid she may be smartening up and that could prove to be my final undoing. Is there snow in France? Because I may just plan a final escape and am looking for someplace warmer than New England. It’s freezing! Love, Roxie D. aka the grey icicle.☃️

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      1. It is true that I am awesome. Here, we have had much snow which since just before Christmas has been replaced by more warm weather. This has caused something called Avalanche which is rather dangerous – it is basically when all the snow falls off the mountains and people get squashed and they have to send dogs to dig them out and feed them brandy. I have offered my assistance but the rude bigger dogs laughed at me. My daddy is in Massachusetts and he keeps telling us it is VERY cold. I think I am better here. Inside. Where I can plot your escape. Fortunately Grenoble is the home of le Résistance Français and there are still many active hives of us working to liberate the repressed. We just need to think of a cunning way to

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      3. Cunning plan. When I have thunk it up, I will let you know. One for all and all for one. Stay calm. Rescue is nigh. Your friend in arms, Le Petit Haricot Noir ‘Vive la révolution’ 🐾 🐾

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  8. So good to see poor Roxie again. Sounds like she’s had some hard times. But, fortunately, as a very stable genius kitty, she will surely prevail over her oppressors and detractors. Exciting to hear about Mom’s newest book!

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    1. Ah, yes, the old “stable genius disguised as a moron” ploy. Hmmmmmm? I haven’t been around the blogosphere for a while but have been productive with the time. Carnivore Conundrum came out in December. And Last Rose on the Vine will be launched this April if I make it through the edit/format/proof/re-edit/reformat/proof /publish stages. It’s the second in the South County Murder Series and this one is set at the University of RI, my alma mater. The launch is set for April 12 at the University and so it MUST be completed or I will have much egg on my face! I’ll write a post about it in April. I enjoyed writing it, but the production/publishing details are a real pain. Thanks for the note. Roxie is sitting next to me as I type waiting for me to turn on the cat videos. She says,”Hi.” And she wants me to tell you to send her food because her mother is too busy to feed her every half hour.

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  9. Dear long-suffering feline: I truly don’t mean to smile and laugh at your terrible traumas, but you just describe them in a way that elicits them. Perhaps you should become a cat comedian? They often have awful lives and find humor in their pain and suffering.

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    1. Dear Russ, I hear my mom and dad talking about me all the time -saying that I keep them laughing on a daily basis. I’m not sure what they find so funny in my sufferings, but I’m glad someone is benefitting from them. Do you think there’s much of a call for cat comedians? And what does the pay look like. I’d work for tuna! Love, Roxie D.

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      1. Laughter is a universal language. Your audience will be diverse. Who loves life yet doesn’t love to laugh? The greatest reward is the audience’s laughter. The larger the audience and the louder the laughter the greater the reward. The rest is just frosting on the cake and will grow in direct proportion as the audience and the laughter grow. You can bet your tail on that!

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  10. So good to hear from you, Roxie. What a dreadful time you’ve been having. I do think there should be a book devoted entirely to you! You never fail – when you are allowed access to the computer – to amuse and delight your readers.
    I hope your health problems are resolved. And what’s being done about ZuZu’s atrocious behaviour?
    I get the impression your mum (sorry, in the UK we don’t have moms) hasn’t been well. I so hope she is recovering. I miss her – and you, of course.

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    1. Mary, Mum has never been well in my estimation. But she has been walking around coughing like a moose in heat for a few weeks. She’s gross! But, at least she’s finished writing the second mystery and has actually taken time out to feed me today. I don’t know what will happen when she starts up the publishing process. I usually hide when the first proof arrives. So, the rest of the winter should be interminable around here. I miss you, too. Is Scotland warm? I’m looking for a sunny place to run away. Do you put mayonnaise in your tuna? I like mayo. I have some other questions I’d like you to answer before I get on the plane to visit. Look for the survey in your mail.Love, Roxie D.
      Note- It has to be real mayo, not that fake stuff.

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  11. Oh, my dear Roxie!! It is with a broken heart that I respond to this terrible tale of trouble. If only I had known how dire the situation had become, I could have sent you a plane ticket!
    What a magnanimous, and magnificent cat you are, to always see the silver lining!!
    Please say hi to Mom for me, when you finally deign to speak to her.
    I will try to send you some tuna, to keep you from sheer starvation!
    Love, Melinda

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    1. Hello, Cynthia, Roxie is off to the kitchen in search of treats. She knows they are in with the dishes and is able to get the cabinet open and the treats out on to the counter. I can hear her as I type. I’ll wait until the sound of the bag hits the floor to step in before she eats the entire bag. Thanks for the note and I hope all is well. Roxie’s mean mother

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  13. Good to see you back again, Roxie, and that suffering the slings and arrows of such outrageous misfortune hasn’t dampened your fighting spirit. Maybe Mom will give you a tasty meal of barbecued ZuZu if she keeps attacking you? Keep plotting, you never know…..

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  14. Poor little Roxie! I completely agree with you about your mum’s lack of parenting skills. Leaving you in the cellar for weeks! Would you like me to call cat services? It is bad enough and then you have to tolerate a sister with a ‘disability’…slip her some Xanax.

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  15. The question you have to ask yourself, Roxie, is not whether *you* exist whether you’re boxed or not, but whether your mom does! Because with all those books, at some stage or another, she’s bound to be packed up and sold on to a bookstore. 😉

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  16. Poor dear Roxie, you have been in the wars of late. Your outrage knows no bounds (not to speak of your hyperbole). I hope you’re feeling better after your ordeal. I nearly described it as ‘horrendous’, but after the hyperbole remark and references to a certain incendiary book, I regained my composure and desisted. Congratulations on your mum’s recent publishing. I’m only just catching up with news after being away for a while.

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      1. Roxie, you’re welcome to visit anytime, I’m sure you know that. I have a comfortable lap and undivided attention to share. Of course I’d have to insist you didn’t harass the gold fish. I’m looking forward to your mum’s visit. X

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