Meow! Roxie here. Before you continue, Gentle Reader, I need to warn you: this post is not for everyone. If you have an uncontrollable gag reflex, if you’re squeamish, if you tend to get queasy easily, I strongly suggest you wait to read this on an empty stomach. What I have to tell you is not pretty. Actually, it’s pretty ugly, but it must be told.
I’ve been subjected to cruel and unusual punishment at 
the hands of my little sister. You know her as ZuZu, the cute, charming tabby from A Berkshire Tale; the little kitty who refuses to eat chicken because some of her best friends are hens. Well, NEWS FLASH! She doesn’t need to eat poultry because her belly is 
literally chock full of bugs! Bugs, I tell you! Ants, Flies, Spiders, Grasshoppers, Beetles, Moths, Mosquitos, Caterpillars, Crickets, Millipedes, Centipedes, Gnats! The list is endless. ZuZu will eat any crawling, flying, resting, mating, hopping, sleeping, pollinating, limping insect. Yes, limping! She shows no pity. No insect is exempt from her cruelty. Simply put, she has an unquenchable blood lust.
Just this afternoon, we were spending some quality family time in the gazebo. I was resting in my special chair. Mom was working on her book. Dad was reading the newspaper. The radio was tuned to a Yankee’s game. They were winning. Dad was happy. Everything was copacetic until ZuZu looked up suddenly, 
like she’d seen an apparition. She bolted from her perch on the settee, dug her claws into the screen, climbed up to the top, swatted a bug to the floor and proceeded to chomp off its head. She decapitated the poor, helpless creature! The 
crunching of its tiny body parts in her mouth resonated out into the surrounding woods. Oh, the horror! But wait, it gets worse. Just a few seconds later, as I sat traumatized, she serenely listened to a grasshopper singing a lovely little tune to its mate only to pounce mid-chirp, swallowing it whole and licking her paws with relish! I mean, during a mating song! Is nothing sacred?
And nobody did anything to stop the carnage! Dad kept reading and Mom was the worst. She encouraged this abhorrent behavior by cooing at her darling,”OOOOOOO, what a cute widdle baby ooo is! Did that nasty, bug frighten my iddy, biddy sweetie pie?” Then she scratched behind little sweetie pie’s ears and even kissed her! On the mouth! Does that woman even care where that mouth has been?
Think about how gross this is to witness on a daily basis! I told you it wasn’t going to be a pretty tale. I’m sorry to burden you with all of this. But if your family does nothing to help, then the only thing you have left is to rely on the kindness of strangers. And I live with these atrocities going on around me every minute! I’m a captive audience; “captive” being the key word here. Surely someone out there in blog land has a basic knowledge of the legalities involved. Was this addressed at the Geneva Conference? Is there some cat treaty somewhere regarding the inhumane treatment of captive cats? Please send me any info you can find, especially if it involves arresting sadistic little felines and locking them up far away from their fawning, enabling mothers.
I’ll be at the computer every day from 2AM to 4AM and I’ll make sure to destroy any missives right after I read them. I’ve used the delete key quite a bit lately having developed an aversion to any further stories perpetuating the misrepresentation of ZuZu as a sweet, cuddly, little kitty. Lies, lies! Damned lies! That tabby is a sociopath!
Don’t worry. No one will ever be aware of your complicity in saving me from my plight. As a bonus incentive, if you include your address, I’ll share any mice I find. A 60/40 split, like Mom’s book commissions.
Just to be clear – I get the biggest half. A girl’s gotta eat, ya know.
Around ZuZu's Barn 
Oh, this made me laugh. “On the mouth! Does that woman even care where that mouth has been?” – nearly snorted my coffee! Sorry, Roxie, you’ll just have to toughen up and be less delicate about ZuZu’s bug-eating instincts.
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Mary, I’m really happy I made you laugh. I posted this early because I actually have another post for this Saturday (my usual posting day). I think you’l like that one,too. Have a great day! Clare
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Looking forward to reading the next one.
Mary
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Loved that, my sense of humour to a T. Keep them coming 🙂
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A true Kindred Spirit when it comes to humour – I’m glad you’re enjoying the other cat.
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Oh, poor Roxie! The hardships you have to endure! I think you can sue ZuZu for parental alienation.
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Fantastic idea. I’m in! Do you know a good lawyer?
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Cheatem, Cheatem and Cheatem Harder work for a percentage I believe.
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HAHA! Oh Roxie, I feel your pain! (although I have been on the other side encouraging bug-eating..) The other day I was sitting outside with our outdoor adopted kitty Calypso, and I was admiring a little butterfly when out of nowhere she came and ate it in a single gulp!! I was horrified! (It was a little humorous though) Good luck with the savages, Roxie! 🙂
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Roxie is now in the dog house again. She found a live snake and was playing with it, running around the inside of house and then she misplaced it! So, now I have absolutely no idea when this creature will appear. I am not walking barefoot until it is found. That damn cat! Clare
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Oh man, that is not good at all!! I would be walking on stilts if I were you. 😉 I hope it surfaces soon and you can go back to breathing easy! Good luck, and no more snakes in the house, Roxie!!
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Hilarious! I really enjoyed this. So well written and the photos are great!
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I think this might develop into a book. People seem to love getting Roxie’s perspective on life with ZuZU. Maybe “The Diary of The Other Cat”? Thanks!
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I’m writing a submission to the UN as we speak Roxie. The situation can no longer be ignored. In the meantime, keep your whiskers up!
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ha ha ! love this!
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ZuZu want to know if you have any good bug recipes.
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Hmmm I will check zuzu!
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Thank yu,Lynz.
if you don’t find any, I’ll just keep eating them raw with maybe a little katsup!… ZuZu
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Roxie you are a star …. that made me laugh so much. The Bean would like you to know that she is busy trying to catch lizards here (though now they are settling down for the long winter sleep) and spends her idle moments trying to catch flies (or wasps even though one bit her rather disastrously in England in the summer). Tor me, I’m with you – give me chicken any day 😉
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Roxie wants to know if L’Haricot M is doing ok. She’s quite worried about his incident with the wasp. Right now she’s sleeping on Charley’s lap and ZuZu is in mine. They’ll start moving around in a little while when they feel it’s close to dinner. It’s quiet around here tonight, as usual.
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L’H-M (pronounce L’Ash Em) is doing fine now. It was awful … I was staying at my mothers and her whole snout (normally quite slender) swelled up. She never complained at all but was quite poorly for a couple of days but rallied in time to be flower girl at my daughter’s wedding!! She is very touched by Roxi’es concern 🙂
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She is very relieved and is chasing ZuZu around the house right now in joy (or something akin to joy that involves tackling and wrestling?)
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Haha …. sounds extremely entertaining to me 🙂
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As long as no blood is spilled!
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